Part 1: One simple choice.

When I was eight , my parents took me to a theme park. That morning I woke up feeling giddy in my stomach because I was excited but I didn't know what to expect. This one quote I came across years after what had happened ; 'The expected is what keeps us steady. It's the unexpected that changes our lives forever.' - Grey's anatomy.

The first time I read this, that blurred memory of the theme park and what I had attempted to do struck me in the gut. 

A night before we went to the park, my dad had mentioned all the rides that we were going to experience and he tried to make it as scary as possible to boost my excitement. But even as a kid , I wasn't scared of the roller coaster. 

Then finally , the day came. All that excitement faded away when they measured me. I was a child. Not by age, because that's apparently not important. But my height. I was so mad because my parents left me alone (My version of 'alone' ignores the other kids who were left to enjoy the kids' ride) while they enjoyed the ride and I was left stranded in the kids' corner. The frustration got the best of me and I started walking away. 

I wasn't thinking at all and I realized my feet weren't stopping even if I wanted to. I had finally decided with my mind of an eight year old that my parents are selfish and won't let me make my own choices. Ever. I started running away. I stopped at a corner and stereotypically , like they show in the movies, I should've started crying. But I was no ordinary kid. I was happy because I did something I wasn't supposed to do. I broke the rules. Badass.

 After a while, I started walking again thinking that this is it. 'This is my new life. A girl taking on the world on her own. Who are you to stop me from riding your god damn roller coaster? I am me. You can't stop me.' I didn't realize I was the one who was selfish back then who respected her ego more than anything.

I finally felt lost. Losing control over myself. The anxiety part of it had hit me and I was breathless. I could feel the tears in my eyes and I wanted to run back but I was too adamant for my own good. Then, I cried. Stereotypical. Psst........